Last night Sarah went to heaven

Last night, Sarah went to heaven. My prayers for her were passionate. She was only 23. I needed a miracle for her. She could still have life. But over the weekend, the message to me, over and over, was for completeness and wholeness and perhaps we will only achieve that in heaven. I wanted it here and now. For Sarah and her family and friends. I didn't even know her very well. But she was the same age as Steph. I know the things Steph wants out of life. Nothing outragous or extravagant, fairly normal; husband, family, travel. I wanted that for Sarah too... I prayed long and hard, but in my heart knew that it wasn't going to turn out how I wanted. It was an uncle Gerald time. Heart ruling the head...
But, my heart and my mind know that Sarah is in heaven and now stands complete and whole and for the first time in her life, knows no pain or struggle. I am happy in that thought.
My prayers will now be for those still here. Those, like Steph and Ruth; close friends, and Sarah's mum, dad and sister Becky. They will need my silent prayers. Prayers for strength, comfort and understanding.
I saw at first hand what a fighter Sarah was. She came to Steph's wedding, fighting her condition the whole time but determined to be there. She had a lovely time and it meant the world to Steph and Stephen.
Sarah touched many lives, and made them better for knowing her.
Thank you Sarah for being such a lovely friend to Steph. She already misses you very much, but knows that you are now free and happy.
Night night, and God bless
xxxxxx

today...

today is a strange day. It's less than a week to my daughter's wedding.

I'm so very happy for her. She has found a soul mate and I know that they will have a wonderful life together.It's also a sad time because I know that my family unit will never quite be the same again. Maybe that is a selfish way of looking at it. It's all about letting go, and although I'm not an apronstrings mum, it's really very hard to do. I know that she is only round the corner, but even so...

I know that we will have a wonderfully happy day on Saturday. With all our families and friends together, we can't fail to have a great celebration! But this week, while I am at home, I will be reflecting: Steph being born, such a lovely happy baby, Steph growing up, her timid little face when she gets scared. All those things she said she couldn't do, swimming, ballet, holding an eagle on her hand - she always passed with flying colours!

Now I look at my grown up daughter, and I am so proud of her. She has secured a great job, where she is respected and loved. She has just bought her first property and arranged more or less everything herself.
Her army family love her as one of their own. She loves working with the children, but still has doubts sometimes about her abilities. I can see that God has given her so very many talents, but she has to understand that for herself, she won't always listen to mum !

She still has much to learn, to discover and to grow - and that's the exciting part of where she is just now in her life.
She will have Stephen to share eveything with. All the exciting things to come, they will share together, and that's how it was always meant to be.

I know that it is almost unreasonable of me to feel that I am losing my daughter, I know I'm not really. Perhaps it's just my age ! I wouldn't be surprised. I only wish wonderful and happy things for her. I'm not so naive to realise that life is not a bed of roses all the time and they will have hard times as well as easy. But they love each other so very much. They understand each other and this, together with a reliance on God's help, will see them through.

This post is from the heart. It's about Steph. Unashamedly indulgent in how I feel today. My baby... my firstborn.. my tears are real, the pain in my heart is real, but the love and pride is immeasurable and unconditional.

My love and blessing go with Steph and Stephen as they start on this new era in their lives.
I will always be there for them, but in the background, advice, support - but not interference !
I love them both.
Even if no-one ever reads this, it's good to get my thoughts and feelings down on paper (as it were).
Now, enough maudling ! I need to get on. I have a hat to pick up !

Today is my birthday !

Today is my birthday - hurrah !!!!

I LOVE BIRTHDAYS

I know that when you get to my age you are not supposed to like them or acknowledge them, but not me ! ( I don't particularly like the numbers associated with them - but I just ignore that bit !)

I get to be pampered for a day by my family - which is great. I shall buy some naughty cakes for work and then not do any (work that is)!

We shall have a lovely take away tonight with my favourite aromatic duck pancakes and my family will have to endure board games, because they are not allowed to be nasty to me today and say NO !!!

I have had some great presents - lots of lovely pampering stuff and new handbags and purses !!!! You can never have too many!

Andrew I love my new Maria Wards. Thank you so much for being wonderful and knowing me so well!

My lovely girls bought me beautiful gifts - thank you ! Such a treat!

Well, I hope you all have a great day too!

I know that I will - come what may...

Catch up

It's late and I should be getting into bed. But as Matt reminded me tonight, I haven't been posting my thoughts lately. So, here I am! I've had quite a busy time lately. Here there and everywhere. I had a lovely time on the Isle of Wight with my family over the Easter week. Can't believe that my sis is now 50!!! Of course, I am so very much younger than she is... I'm now back at work and it's feeling very sad. My section is being disbanded as they are moving the work to London and no-one wants to go. We are all being given new posts and are going our seperate ways. It's tough. We've had lovely time all together. My staff are great people who are supportive and fun. I guess that nothing stays still for long and it will be good to have a new challenge... (Yes, if I say it often enough I might believe it...) Photo is some of the staff at Christmas. Yes, Father Christmas always comes to our party!

I'm planning to have a big party in the summer at my house for all my staff and their partners, but please don't mention to Andrew yet, I haven't told him!!! Should only be about 120 people!

Still, my birthday on Thursday, so cream cakes all round.

I shall say goodnight now. Sleep tight and sweet dreams...

Wednesday

Last night I had a dream..... I always dream, I usually remember them too. They are so detailed in colour and in content. Sometimes when I wake up I am really angry or sad, or some other emotion, resulting from what happened in my dream, as if it were real. Ask Andrew......

Last night I dreamed about 'Lost'.

I now know what it is all about.

I feel happy yet also frustrated. I don't want to know the plot, the reason for them all being there; the outcome. Everything I watch now will make sense and I don't want it too! Not yet.

But I think that it might be too late....

Maybe this is a bit like real life? I don't want to know all the ins and outs. The whys and wherefores: but in my heart I do. I know that Jesus died for me and that it why I'm here today.

When I think about my life and it's ups and downs, it does make sense (sometimes with hindsight which is a wonderful thing!) because it's all in God's hands and in His plan. And although I don't know all the plots and events to come yet, I do know that the outcome will be a glorious one!

Perhaps my dream will not be the answer to Lost..... but I shall still continue to watch, because I love it.

A bit like my journey through life with my family......

Today

Today is the first day of my new blog. I have to say that it has not been easy. So much to say, yet can't work out how to say it!!

I'm sure that I will eventually find my way. Johnny, if you're reading 'HELPPPPPP'.....

If I work it out soon, I will write something worth writing, but for now....

Here's hoping...............